Well yeah...

I'm still alive. I think.

But really, bugger all has happened in my life since last time I blogged, well, actually, lots of things have, but I'm not blogging about any of them. Lucky for you.

Pretty much just been working heaps, racing a bit and rediscovering some of the good things in a life that was starting to get a little bit, well ok, A LOT, stagnant.

I still come online, mostly on facebook and twitter though, as some of you know, but instant communication and even blogging have been put on the back burner for the time being, not because I don't wish to use them, but because I often have to cut conversations short because I have to be somewhere else at the same time and as far as blogging goes, it kinda gets hard to juggle things at times.

Interestingly enough, this time away from instant communication has actually enabled me to see things in a bit different perspective and it's because of this and my best friend taking the time to come to my home and speak to me seriously in the middle of December last year that I'm reassessing other parts of my life as well.

Who knows, perhaps 2010 is going to be the year of change for me? I live in hope that it is, as 2009 was pretty much the year to forget in so many ways, for many different reasons and if it weren't for my friend coming to speak to me, things wouldn't have picked up near as well as they have since the middle / end of December '09. Weird huh?

On that note, I'm off outta here again, for how long I don't know, but I hope everyone is well and happy and having a great New Year so far.

'til next time, STAY COOL.

xx.

Happy Birthday

Grandpa.

I miss you more than you know.

Love, Fiona. xoxoxox

In which we get serious for a little bit...

I'm struggling at the moment to find words, as is evident by my lack of blogs here lately, but the fact is, what I want to say, doesn't always come out right and I end up changing so many things so many times, I give up and don't post at all.

See, as much as I might bluff and bluster about numerous confrontations I've had or would like to have, with many people, about many different things, I actually tend to shy away from conflict as much as I can because the thing is, my emotions often get in the way of my rationalisations and I often end up looking like a bigger dipstick than when I started.

See, I like to think about my arguments before I have them, plan them out if you will so that I can present it sensibly and civilly even if with a slightly raised voice and sarcastic tone if the subject calls for it, but arguments don't always happen like that. You can't always pre-plan things, they catch you unawares and so you've got to fly by the seat of your pants and develop your argument on the spur of the moment.

Which brings me to why I like writing, and typing my arguments. Typing especially means I have to consider every word and every phrase and seeing it come together on the page or screen enables me to better place things in their right context and address everything without letting my own body language and verbal tones get in the way of getting my point across.

Thinking on the fly has it's benefits also as you can quite often get a point across better in the heat of the moment, but often I find that that's when you're most likely to speak before you think and the first thing you think of comes out your mouth before you want it to and you end up in a hell of mess trying to back-track because of that.

As it is, I've edited this post half a dozen times already and I still haven't got to the point of it, so I'll get to that now, before you all get so bored you walk away, if you haven't already.

I'm in the middle of a discussion online at the moment about a story that appeared on the website of a city newspaper here and which I copied, pasted and linked to on to a forum board of which I am a member, for reference of the members there and to prove a point to some of the more "rabid" followers of the person it was written about.

The most astounding thing in the reactions I have gotten so far is the overwhelming condescension of one respondent who, because the topic of the article I posted and linked to is not exactly flattering to the person it relates to, began using the guise of "there's children present here" and instead of presenting a counter argument, attempted right away to get the thread closed before any further discussion could take place, not minding that the article itself is a report of a crime against children.

Crimes against children shit me.

This respondent implied in another response that because no physical harm came to the victims, the damage to the victims was not as bad and the crime less severe, presumably because the damage cannot actually be seen.

Well, excuse me, psychological harm comes to ANYONE who is a victim of crime, regardless of their age, their gender, their status or their ability or otherwise to express their emotions.

To downplay and dismiss the effect on these 3 minor children of this man's crime as being less damaging to them just because it wasn't visible physically is a plain flat out dangerous mindset to have.

This man is nearly 3 times older than these children and he has admitted he had a crush on one of them...

It's bullshit and it's indefensible.

Link.

A small thank you.

To the Victorian Speedway Council, for responding quickly and kindly to a letter I sent to them recently asking for an exemption to be given to me, for their new rule they've introduced in my racing class, that says that one way communicators must be worn during races.

Now, as most of you are probably well aware by now, I am deaf and I wear two hearing aids, so as you can imagine this new rule was going to present a problem for me being that I can't use anything like that while I'm wearing my hearing aids...

So, as I said, I sent off a letter to them recently, explaining the situation and providing a doctor's certificate for verification as I had done last season when the Australian Saloon Car Federation introduced the same rule for their classes. (It's complicated, I'm not going into it all.)

Well, after a bit of delay due to having to discuss it at their meetings and whatnot, it was obviously and rightly well considered and discussed before a response was sent and I could not have asked for a more understanding and generous response to my letter. The same with ASCF last year, I'm really impressed with the way both of these organisations have responded to this as I feel that they were incredibly generous in granting an exemption to me, they could've just as easily said "No, bugger ya" and left me with no choice but to retire from racing, but no, they didn't and I want to thank them for that.

So, from this deaf race car driver, THANK YOU to both ASCF and VSC, I really appreciate it.

Memories...

They're funny little buggers, they are...

Maybe I'm the only one, I don't know, but there's some things in your life that just stick with you and things that happen, songs you hear and stories that break where you can remember exactly, many years later, where you were and what you were doing at the time, even if those with you can't.

One time for me was when I was a kid, I don't remember how old I was at the time, but I would've been 8 or 9 or thereabouts and my Auntie was taking my sister and I to the Royal Adelaide Show for the first time one evening.

I remember distinctly I was wearing a blue parka with a sticker on the left inside lining that had my name, my Auntie's name and my parents phone number on it in case I got lost, (my sister had one too) because this was in the days before mobile phones and we were given explicit instructions that if we were lost that we had to go to a first aid van or look for a policeman, but thankfully neither of us needed to.

I can remember a few things about the show, like walking about among the sideshows and the stalls and whatnot and walking under the chair lift ride they had going at the time and someone dropped a hot potato chip in front of us, but other than that, nothing really stands out about the actual show itself but I do remember very well that towards the end of our night out, my Auntie bought my sister and I a helium balloon each.

Now, helium balloons, when you're a kid, those things are like THE BEST THINGS EVER because they're kind of like the adult toy of the kid world, it was a huge responsibility to be able to walk around outside holding a helium balloon because they cost a bit more than normal balloons and if you let them go, well, that was the stone end of that... no more helium balloons for you, until your adult would buy you another one next time you went somewhere, but this time you'd have the ribbon looped around your wrist half a dozen times before being lectured about hanging on to it properly this time or it's the last one you'll ever get... but I digress.

Well, anyway, so my sister and I, we got these helium balloons and both of us made it back out to the car with both balloons still firmly within our grasp and all was well on the trip to my Auntie's Mum's house (My Auntie was Auntie by marriage, just to clarify) where we were meeting our parents to be picked up when bugger me dead, as I get out of the car, my balloon took off.

I was devastated. I walked into the house in tears. I can still remember the song that was playing on the car radio at the time... it was Hymn To Her by The Pretenders, and to this day, whenever I hear this song, I think of that night when I lost my helium balloon.

And I still don't trust myself with helium balloons anymore. I have become my own adult now and loop the damned ribbon around my wrist the same half dozen times my adults used to do in the past.

Old habits, they die hard and some memories, they stick forever.

(Once the video starts, click pause and then let it load right through before you start to watch it because it just stops if you don't and won't restart)